Protecting Ourselves from Ourselves
In the most recent years there has been an increase in discussion about how black women have to protect our energy, protect our sacred spaces and protect our peace. We alike applaud these concepts and work toward ridding ourselves of toxic influences in our lives. However, we don’t speak enough about how we should protect ourselves from ourselves.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase about being one’s own worst enemy. We may think this is in relation only to negative self talk but there is more to self sabotage than saying the wrong things. To gain some clarity on our actions, we have to question ourselves and how we are moving through the world to answer, “Do I need protection from me?”
Are you willing to seek help when you need to seek help? One of the fastest ways to burn yourself out is to be the expert and “the only person doing everything all the time”. If you’re done with being strong for everyone else it’s probably because you haven’t asked for help when you needed to. This level of exhaustion isn’t meant to be maintained. Yet, here you are trying to prove you’re a superhero when you are a human being crushed under the weight of your own responsibility. No one asked you to do that, but yet you continue to do it.
It’s difficult to shed the mythos of being the superhero. The narrative itself has carried black women for decades. We have looked up to it and it gives us a sense of pride to belong to the narrative. If you have ever uttered the words “My mama, aunties, grandmother did it without any help”, then take a step back from that. Their circumstances and times were different. They did it because they had to, not out of a sense of pridefulness. Yes we can celebrate the vibrant independence of our foremothers but it shouldn’t sit in the way of our progression, nor most importantly our rest. Hang the cape in the closet for a day.
Are you willing to change your habits? You’ve done the same thing for so many years that familiarity becomes very comfortable. It could be something innocuous as not wanting to listen to new music. It can be larger such as having dessert with every meal even though your physician has advised you to change your eating habits. Fighting changes may mean missing out on experiencing something potentially good for you.
Change evokes a very real and visceral response in us. We base our lives on a certainty and consistency in habits. Routine makes us feel comfortable. However, that does not mean that what you’re doing is right for you now. As a person who is seeking growth and progress, if you are expecting to manifest your desires or desired results, there are things we need to release. If you’re unwilling to do that then you’re stuck in the vicious cycle of your own habits. When doubt and apprehension creep in, give yourself a talk about what you are and where you want to be. One affirmation to you can say is “I’m not there anymore. I’m meeting me where I am now”.
Are you able to make yourself sit with your own decisions? This is the hardest one. There have been many nights when we ruminate over and again on a decision we’ve made, unable to reconcile if it was “the right decision”. This is most often due to the fears we hold around not being enough and having to prove ourselves over and again. This goes along with questioning whether we are being our true selves or seeking validation.
Have you ever seen someone so affirmed in their wrongness because they can’t admit when they are wrong? It’s a vicious cycle where even if the person knows they are wrong they continue making the same choices and placing the blame on everything and everyone else. Overthinking may also relate to how accountable you are for your actions and decisions. No one likes to be called out or called in.
Accountability is a requirement for our growth. The mirror is the most powerful tool for seeing the world through yourself. Your decisions regardless of if they were right in the moment, are yours. Taking onus of your own actions and decisions can alleviate some of the distress. Sit with the decision that you’ve made and make peace that you have made are the correct ones at that time.
Protecting ourselves means that we have to begin dismantling some of the patterns and we can start breaking our own patterns of destruction. Remove the superhero narrative and ask for help when it’s necessary. We don’t have to do it alone. Being open to transitions and changes. Be willing to sit with the decisions that we have made. Growth is a personal journey. Continuing on that path means getting out of our own way.
